Category Archives: Sadness

Emo Roller Coaster…not a ride I like…

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From the highest personal high in a long time for me to a family low.

The “family dog” Dexter had not been himself since the New Year.

He was in the doggie hospital most of last week.

He improved so was sent home with my sister who had been lovingly caring for him since Mom passed away (and before then too – he was spoiled rotten by them both).

She had to make the decision to put him down last night while I was on my way home.  He had a relapse and there was no easy way back.

My small family is in mourning once again.  He was a beloved family member who stood loyally by my Mom for a very long time and had been a loving companion to my Sister.  He was spoiled rotten and could be a pain in the backside but we all loved him anyway.

He was 13 yrs old.  He is deeply missed.

We know his Spirit is with Mom’s and they are having a nice long reunion walk.

Rest easy Dexter.

Category: Pets, Sadness

Laxative for the brain?

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In my head I had thoughts of photos and lovely sentiments for awesome birthday posts for both Mom and Spencer.

They didn’t quite come out the way I wanted. I still can’t seem to write more than just the basic stuff as the emo block is still in play.  It is affecting a lot of aspects of my life.

Someday I’ll be able to write again.

There has been a creative block – but after 2 months, I’ve found myself wanting to make something again.

Progress.

I’ve been trying to finish two projects that I had been working on before I ran off to Texas and Mom passed away. The knitting project I can’t even bring myself to look at let alone pick up.  I have, however, been working on the beading project.  Unfortunately it is an epic fail, so I’m completely changing the whole damn thing. Hopefully this new incarnation will work. This is number 4 or 5 already with each incarnation having at least 4-5 tries before I move on…each try another Fail.  If this last try does not work, I think I’ll just have to let that one sit for awhile.

The last time I had such an emotional blow (when Dad passed away in 1998), I went into a creative frenzy and even learned a new art – painting.  Dad painted, so I learned what he did.  This time, Mom and I did the same sort of things – needle and yarn crafts – so I find myself “blocked”.  My brain full of ideas that I just can’t bring into being.

I think the only thing I can do is wait for the emo block to work itself out.  The only laxative for this I know of is….time.

Sigh.

Sigh

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Today would have been Mom’s 81st Birthday.

I took a photo of an old photo of Mom that I wanted to post.  On my phone it looks fine.  In reality it is blurry.

I wanted to write a nice post and put that old photo in it – it is one of my favorite ones of her.

Suddenly I have no words and now I have no photo.

I miss you Mom.

Edited to add:  Jeez, I could have at least said Happy Birthday.  “Happy Birthday Mom”.

Reality and One More Thing I learned while riding my bike.

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First, let’s find out what I learned:

Ducks not only fly in a V-formation, they also swim like that.  I spotted some ducks in the canal going full blast in a V.  Spontaneously started humming Flight of the Valkyries.  It was fun. They were cute.

Even little baby ducklings will swim in a V behind their Mama Ducky.

Now for some reality:

So I gave up on the cutting down of the broomstick skirt.  Decided it wasn’t going to look right.  Broomstick skirts are long for a reason.  Instead, I stopped in at Ross with Spence today.  Found a cute mini-dress made of the softest t-shirt material ever.  On other women, it would be a short dress, on me, it’s mid-knee.  Sigh.  Anyway, it looks pretty good on its own and I’m sure it will look good over the compression pants.  Even if it doesn’t, I’ll have a cute summer dress.

Happy Mother’s Day to all my readers.  Hug your Mom’s close if you are blessed to still have them with you.  Give them a big hug for me.  Many mixed feelings tomorrow for us here in the Chaos.  Sniff.

Category: Chaos Couture, Misc, Sadness

Mom

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Don’t have much time now, so I’ll keep this short.

Rushed home last week to be with my Mom and Sister.

Mom passed away this morning.

Maybe someday I’ll be able to tell you all about it.

Category: Heartache, Sadness

Sadness for sure…

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I promised an update and here it is…

Sammie, my faithful furry companion of 18yrs passed to the big cat condo in the sky at about 4:45pm today.

She is greatly missed. I miss fighting over the computer mouse and her trying to sit on the keyboard while I type.

She lived a full life staring down evil squirrels, terrifying Spencer and his friends (she REALLY enjoyed that), eating treats, hogging the bed and the couch and generally wrapping me round her little paws.

It was a very difficult thing to do, but she passed quickly and quietly in my arms. Spencer was there with me and Honey was there with us in spirit. Thanks to Antonella for the encouraging words.

The hospital staff was very respectful and took very good care of her.

We have millions of many happy memories.

I’ve just finished cleaning out her litter box for the last time and packing up all her toys and other cat doodads for donation.

I made her a little pink quilt when we first got her and that will stay here with me. I’ll keep it in the cabinet until it’s time for us to welcome another furry companion into our home.

Goodbye my sweet kitty girl.

Sad times

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I know I said earlier that I was going to try and blog more.

Well, life has made me a liar. There hasn’t been much to talk about that I want to share via the blog and I really haven’t taken the time to just sit and write about the rest.

Right now, I’m in a bad state of mind. My furry baby cat (who is 18 yrs old and definitely no baby) is fading. She’s been for a while now and she took a turn for the worse this week.

We have an appointment at the vet this afternoon.

My constant furry companion for the last 18 years may not be returning home with us.

We’ve been trying to come to terms with the reality that we’re going to have to let her go. Sooner rather than later.

It has not been easy.

I promise to post what happened. If you don’t hear from me for a while, you’ll know that we had to let her go and I’m dealing with the emotional fallout.

Enter the sad time…

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…well, Honey has gone back home and I’m very sad about it. We had an entire month together and somehow it felt like it was only a 2 weeks. It definitely didn’t last long enough. We had lots of things planned, only did one or two things. The most important thing tho is that we did all that “nothing” together.

I miss you Honey!!!!

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Now the hard work begins.

There are lots of things going on right now, all of which are a HUGE strain on me emotionally, mentally, physically. Separately, there are not that bad, but all at once…I’m having problems dealing.

I’ll get back into the swing of juggling anything and everything all at once again, I’m just not up to it right now.

Lots of things need to be done, earned, saved, moved, given away, made, sold, cleaned, and so on and so on.

In a few days or so I’ll sit down and try to map it all out. This time, I’m going to try and write it all down instead of just keeping it up in my head. That doesn’t seem to be working too well for me.

Most of it won’t be put out here in details, but you will hear from me every now and then – hopefully more than last year.

Then again, I might get chatty and then you’ll be begging me to just shut the hell up already.

In the mean time, I’m going to mope about for a few days and let myself feel nothing but the “missing of the Honey” before I jump back into the Chaos full force.

Ms Cow and I WILL see Honey and Cow again this year. We WILL!!!!!

Sniff.

Sigh.

Pass the damn chocolate.